| James: |
We don't need to see him have the exact same conversation with every girl. We're here to see the girls fight.
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| James: |
If you ever run at me and try to jump into my arms, there's a good chance that I won't catch you.
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| James: |
(valley girl voice) 'That looks comfy!' Let me just put this blanket on the fuckin' rocks. He really knows how to treat a lady. Hey there are chairs everywhere but this blanket on the rocks seems better.
|
| James: |
Sitting on the fucking floor. Enough of that, right Emily?
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| James: |
Awesome they're starting to cry.
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| James: |
Personal breakdowns.
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| James: |
She's all snotty.
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| James: |
That makeup is totally waterproof, it doesn't come off at all.
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| James: |
On American Idol if they exploit your tragedy and your house- you're in! On Bachelor if they show you whining and crying -you're out!
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| James: |
If there wasn't a camera there that guy would be running, running like a bastard.
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| James: |
I hope they have their shots.
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| James: |
I'm totally going on the Bachelor next season.
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| James: |
I have a lot to offer these ladies.
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| James: |
Wait, no wonder this show takes so fucking long. He has a stash of roses. This show should take a week, tops.
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| James: |
She's not getting one. She's not getting one. That one is crazy as shit.
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| James: |
Why does that 'last rose' dude have to come out? Where is he the whole time? Behind a curtain with his pants around his ankles?
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| James: |
LAST ROOOOOOOSE.
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| James: |
If you didn't get a rose, get out.
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| James: |
Look at how she's walking. She's zany. You don't know anything about zany girls.
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| James: |
Look at how many girls he has left, is this going to be on until July?
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| James: |
Awesome they're all breaking down.
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| James: |
Wait the Kardashian's have another show now? That's how I know the Mayan Calendar is real. End of fucking days. I bet there's a carving, a glyph of Kim and her fucking sister on the Mayan calendar. But not the giant one, because they would have thought she was a monster. |
I travel a lot. I write sketches, do improv, stand up comedy, and just artsy stuff in general. I toured with a pop band and it was the worst thing ever. Did some short films that you will never see. I get asked to punch up other peoples work a lot. The credit for the title of this blog belongs to Tom Waits. If you got to this site by clicking on a link to a specific post you can go back to the main blog page by clicking on the "Smoking My Friends Down to the Filter" text at the top. Check out my tweets below and follow me there. Now read on you crazy diamond!
